If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
