It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
do herpes really smell.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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