When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
