So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
