champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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