I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
