everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
