How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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