My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
