Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
