In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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