apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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