Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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