Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
