Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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