All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
