so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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