I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
