neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
