Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
