...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
