We're facebook friends in real life
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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