nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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