I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
