beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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