We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
