Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
