dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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