hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
