Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
