I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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