I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
