You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
