I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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