no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
