8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
should my penis look like a turkey
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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