Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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