My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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