tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His hands were made for my vagina.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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