Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
