my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
