five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
