we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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