God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
