happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize