i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
