He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
