how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
