today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
