Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he fucked my hip out of place.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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