respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
