so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
