i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
