I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
