6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
