Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
