The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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