when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
