She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
