Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I understand Curling. That high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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