You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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