just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
