isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
