so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
